I feel terrible.

Today I went to my first wake. Not exactly the best place to be. The father of one of the kids in my neighborhood died on Monday after fighting cancer for some time. I went and it felt odd. Seeing a man who was kind and often seemed larger than life wasn't the person I saw in the casket. He had lost a lot of weight. I feigned a prayer like I often do in church but I couldn't stop looking at his face. It wasn't the face I associated him with. I remembered the last time I talked to him, which was about 8 months ago. He had asked how I was doing with my disease when I went to get my brother. He was fine back then. I wish there was a heaven for him to go to. I went to tell his kids, Nick and Matt, as well as his wife that I was sorry for their loss. And I did. And it didn't feel like it was enough. It felt like there wasn't anything I could do to make them feel better. I guess all I could do was show up to let them know I hoped the best for them and that I wish Mike had beaten cancer again. But all I could really say was "I'm sorry for your loss." Words that were hollow to me when I lost my grandmother. I realize there was nothing I could do or say that would make their lives easier. And that made me feel terrible.